Martyr

Leo – When in sadness; display their stress, but become wound up like they are on the brink of a nervous breakdown. They’re short-tempered and needy, and are prone to turning themselves into a martyr.

Martyr (mahr-ter)  http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/martyr

noun

1.a person who willingly suffers death rather than renounce his or her religion.

2.a person who is put to death or endures great suffering on behalf of any belief, principle, or cause: a martyr to the cause of social justice.

3.a person who undergoes severe or constant suffering: a martyr to severe headaches.

4.a person who seeks sympathy or attention by feigning or exaggerating pain, deprivation, etc.  

verb (used with object)

5.to make a martyr of, especially by putting to death.

6.to torment or torture.

It is one of those times where I have the mood to shut down and disappear. Although I might be scrolling on the various social media sites, I do not have the itch to post anything or even to make myself known by commenting on another person’s post or on those I’m being tagged in. Even trying to pen down my thoughts seems difficult. I’m having emotional constipation – not having to give a shit for days. Lol.

The ability to detach and ignore.

This is a powerful ability to have. Being able to detach and ignore. No not because that I don’t care or that I do not have the capability to care. It’s because I care too much hence I am easily affected. Those walls are built so I don’t get hurt anymore. In order for me to stay sane. They say it’s both a blessing and a curse to feel so deeply. And I have that. Feel so deeply. Nah, I’m not heartless just being super guarded. It’s not that I could just cut of my feeling just like that; it’s that I would rather just suffer in silence. What’s the point of showing to the world that I’m hurting? Just smile and carry on. I am just too tired to try being open to love or finding someone. One of those moments where switching off is better than trying. I’ve had enough of putting myself through the emotional roller coaster. It’s time for a break and focus on myself. 

Time to pick up a new hobby or a new skill. Bike license coming up!